This is my writing that won the third place in UAI writing competition.

Adopting Islamic Ethics to Protect the Youth from
Moral Decline Caused by Dating Issue
Kartika Anggraini Alamsyah
Faculty of Mathematics and Natural Sciences
Majoring Biotechnology

Abstract
Dating issue is one of the most interesting matters related to the youth culture in Indonesia. It has become a trend and lifestyle of the young people who live in this modern age. Globalization has opened up the ways for new perspective, ideology and opinion toward it. Some of them are contradictory to our noble social culture, moreover to Islamic ethics and values. The ideological conflicts have the potential threats in misleading the youth to make bad decisions in their lives. Despite its high popularity and acceptability in Indonesian youth culture, dating is indeed very potential to threats young people in danger. The danger of moral decline and even can lead to moral crisis. This brief overview will describe about potential harms of dating for morality and how to deal with it by adopting Islamic Ethics. The aim is to build the awareness among the youth about negative effects in dating issue, and then developing self-consciousness to adopt Islamic Ethics as the shield against moral decline.
KEYWORDS: Islamic ethics, youth, moral decline, dating issue

I. Introduction: Dating Issue in Indonesia
Indonesia has been very well known as a country with the biggest Muslim population on earth. We should be proud of it as it indicates the Islamic resurrection happened to our nation. But on the other hand, there are many problems conflicted with the Islamic religious manners, done by its own people here who don’t realize about their misbehavior. One of the problems is dating.
Dating has become an inseparable part in the youth culture, including Indonesian. But there had been a shifting in its definition due to the change of perspective and era. Nowadays, dating is defined as relationship between two people who had made a pledge or vow to become a couple. So, when someone admits that he/she likes or ‘loves’ a person and then the person accepts it, they are officially dating. It’s different with what happened in former times, when dating was associated with intimate romance of two people from opposite sex –like what is still happening in the Western Countries.
In Indonesia, dating is more related to the pledge itself, not to how it’s done. Two people might not say that they are dating–since they haven’t made any pledge that bind–but they go out together every Saturday night. While the others say that they do date, but they never show any romantic scene. Hence, with those kinds of perspective it is hard to say that dating is simply adultery. It’s still become a controversy among the pro and con, while the young people prefer to give it a try.
There’s a proof about this tendency that represents the happening reality. Based on a survey conducted by a teenage magazine with the respondents of 500 teenagers aged 13-17. It is shown that 73.4% of the respondent admitted that they had been dating. While the rest of 26.6% teenagers admitted that they had never been on a date at all (Olga! Magazine, 2008). This result proves that dating has a high acceptability, but yet there are still some teenagers who think that dating is a serious phase of human relationship and that they are not ashamed admitting they haven’t done it.

II. Why Do They Commit Dating and What Are the Encouraging Factors?
There are several reasons for those who choose to date. Some of them think that dating is fun, and having a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends is cool. The others only want to try, fulfill their curiosity, get accompanied, feel really in love, or even just willing to release their sexual desire (Olga! Magazine, 2008).
Those reasons are simply the effects of many causative factors. The factors are not absolute as they are interdependence. Described here are some possible factors that encourage youth to date.

2.1 Permissive Culture
Indonesian people have a high tolerance toward many things, including cultural issues. That’s what makes Indonesia can survive through cultural diversities, tribal customs, and religious differences, to live in harmony. Thus, in addressing the dating issue, people also tolerate it since dating is considered as a common practice in daily life.
This tendency is shown by another survey done by the same institution, resulting 78% parents permit their children to date, and the rest of 22% prohibit to do so with some reasons, such as immaturity and underage status (Olga! Magazine, 2008). Sometimes parents not only give the permission, but also encourage their children to go on a date, because they don’t want to have their daughter called “perawan tua” (=old virgin), or their son called “bujang lapuk” (=obsolete bachelor). Those titles are given for persons who stay single until the age of 30 and over. It is quite embarrassing to get these titles, and that makes dating is highly recommended among youth. So, it bring us to the second factor.

2.2 Mind-sets
Like what is described above, dating is highly tolerated or even recommended because there are some mind-sets in our people which justify its implementation. Dating is thought to be necessary, important for socialization, giving the life experiences for youth, preventing the embarrassing titles of “perawan tua” and “bujang lapuk” tagged, allowing a single to choose the perfect match to marry, etc. Hence, those mind-sets act like catalyst in our brain, telling us to find a date as soon as possible before we reach the age of 30.
This kind of understanding has been grown from generations to generations in our society, until new awakening came to our way in a form of the best selling book entitled “Ayat-Ayat Cinta”. The book which also became a box-office movie in Indonesia, was written by Habibburrahman el Shirazy, a novelist graduated from Al-Azhar University, Cairo. With his book, the author had successfully driven the Muslims in our country to recognize Islamic perspective about love and marriage─which is different with what we’ve already understood─due to improper mind-sets.

2.3 Globalization
Globalization is an inevitable thing that comes with a great impact on our lives. With the advance of science and technology, high interactions between countries, fast information and communication, lead our nation to obtain huge amount of new ideologies. Some of them are empowering, but the others are weakening our morality. For example, internet has become unlimited resource for information, but it also destroys morality by pornography, cyber crime, and other dangers of modernization.
The modern lifestyles offered by globalization invade Muslim generations with the slogans of freedom, equality, justice, and liberty. They swept the Islamic world and distorted the Islamic culture, making Muslim women and men have forgotten their religious beliefs, duties, and commitments. The secular educations adopted to our youth also make them forgetting Islam as the guidance of life. They separate religious values from daily activities, when they really should balance them. The sophisticated science and technology coming to the modern man is supposed to replace the religious system which considered old and out of date.
In addition, globalization not only changes our cultures and values into world’s dominating cultures─The Western Culture─, but also promotes the mass media’s control over society by public opinion. People become more dictated by what they see or hear from the media. Unfortunately, addressing dating issue mass media like TV, radio, magazine, tabloid, etc. tend to be very supportive. They deem it as a commodity with very high selling rate. For example, every sinetron (=electronic cinema) played by many private TV stations, mostly concern about love and dating as the main theme, along with the love songs as the soundtrack. The reality shows that are becoming a trend in youth now, mostly about love and dating as well. The SMS (Short Message Services) subscription provider for chatting─like Chat and Date─has successfully attained 1.5 millions subscribers. Moreover, the advertisers who want to sell their products, often use romantic scene to thrill the consumers in order to boost up the selling point and increase the profit. It produces more justifications for the youth to date without any guilty feeling.
So, it’s a complicated matter when we review about dating issue. Despite the encouraging factors, we shouldn’t neglect the possible harms and threats from dating. The good awareness will guide the youth to the right direction and salvation for now and hereafter.

III. Potential Harms of Dating Issue
Dating is not as simple as its spelling, in fact it has a lot of interpretations─given by the public opinion─like the other simple words: love, sex, sin, etc. The young people sometimes unaware about the negative effects caused by misinterpreting those words, and that makes them feel free to try and find out the meaning by themselves. Like one saying, ”curiosity kills cat” ─doing things that we have no idea about can lead to a big disaster.
Here are some potential harms of dating:
3.1 Rising of Emotional Attachment
Dating is related to love and feeling which is believed as part of human nature. When two people love each other, the next step taken is dating. Falling in love is thought to be the ticket to the next level. But love is actually coming with a lot of definitions─at least there are seven kinds of love─according to the psychologist theory. They are erotic love, platonic love, practical love, philosophical love, and eternal love (Witha Aditia, 2006). Thus─based on those kinds of love─it can be concluded that love is a complicated matter triggered by many purposes and conditions.
Later on, love comes up with the more complicated issue, chemistry. Chemistry has a lot to do with hormonal reactions in our body. When someone is falling in love, there had been the explosions of neurochemicals in his/her brain. Those neurochemicals are in the form of hormones─named Norepinephrine, Dopamine, and Phenylethylamine (PEA) ─act as “happy chemical” making one becomes crazy in love and ‘high’. If those happy chemicals are produced overabundance, they will flow to the limbic system of the brain and affect one’s emotion. Along with those reactions, many emotional feelings will come. Such as passion, lust, jealousy, euphoria, sympathy, withdrawal, romance, and attachment. They can affect greatly to one’s life, resulting dependency issue, emotional rollercoaster, and love addiction. When there’s something wrong with one’s relationship, there’ll be problems like jealousy, heart break, depression, desperation, or even suicide. Emotional problems can make us mentally exhausted and losing a lot of energy. That’s not healthy for youth psychological development in the future.

3.2 Stimulating Sexual Behavior Outside Marriage
This is what the parents fear the most, but it’s also most likely to happen. Daniel Bonevac, the author of “Today’s Morals Issues” wrote:
Teenagers and young adults often think of “morals” and “sexual morals” are equivalent expressions. Throughout life, our sexual identities and relationship remain control to our happiness and our conceptions of ourselves. The social roles implicit in being a husband, wife, lover, father, or mother remain among the most important we adopt. Our actions in the context of sexual relationship can thus affect other people more profoundly than almost anything else we do. We can make someone happy or break someone’s heart. We can even create someone. Sexual morality, for all these reasons, has special importance.
Doing the activity of dating can fulfill the needs of self-worthy and satisfaction. But on the other side, dating can bring the doers to face the temptations of romantic love─sexual desire. It is possible since human is built to maintain his existence by doing reproduction. In the dating activities like holding hands, hugging, kissing, and other forms of physical contacts, produced many hormones that can stimulate sexual desire. One of them is oxytocin─also called “cuddling chemical”─which plays the role as stimulator for loving and caring feelings, sexual desire or passion to someone who gives the stimulus.
Another hormone is Testosterone which stimulates the bigger influences than oxytocin. The production of this hormone urging someone to satisfy the lust by doing sexual intercourse (testosterone is produced 20 times more intense in male than in the female). Sometimes, these hormones can be controlled by our brain (logic), but most of the time they can take over the victims─making things got out of hand. It leads to adultery or sex outside marriage which possible to initiate the chain reactions: free sex in youth, venereal disease, sexually transmitted disease (STD) like HIV-AIDS, adolescent pregnancy, married by accident (MBA), abortion, birth of illegitimate child, divorce, and finally broken home issues. Based on the same survey that mentioned earlier it is known that 1.4% teenagers admitted they had made love (doing sexual intercourse) while dating. 1.6% respondents admitted they had been touching each other, 9.3% respondents admitted they had kissed until the point of deep kissing. 18.9% respondents admitted they had only hugged each other, and more than half of them (53.9%) admitted they just holding hands when they are dating. This results shows Indonesian youth still set boundaries for themselves in dating (Olga! Magazine, 2008). But another survey with the respondents from 5 biggest universities in Jakarta showed that 67.1% of them had their first sex experience with their boyfriend/girlfriend (Cosmopolitan, 2002).
However in Indonesia the problems are not as big as what happened in the Western Countries. Though maybe it’s because those issues are considered scandalous and should be kept silent. While in USA there are 350,000 girls aged 15─19 are pregnant before they have married (Reader’s Digest Magazine, 1996). USA Statistics Bureau reported there had been 1.2 millions divorce cases in 1997, 12 millions of single parents families in 2000, and 3 millions widows present in the same year. These data represent the massive social problems of moral decline caused by uncontrolled freedom, and they prove, “total freedom can lead to total catastrophe”.

3.3 Losing of Life Purpose
This is the end product of dating issue that can be occurred with the present of two potential harms discussed above. Human’s life purpose is very important in defining the meaning of life itself─or simply─What are we looking for in the world? Stephen R. Covey relates the life purpose with something called ‘center’. He wrote that, “whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power”. If someone fell in love with a person─whether being realized or not─that person could be the center or him/her life. Moreover, if they have become a couple and been dating for a long time. Making someone─whether he/she is just a date or even a spouse─as our center can bring negative influences to our life and reduce our self-effectiveness.
Covey explained it with a very thoughtful analysis given in the table below:
If you are spouse centered…
Security Guidance Wisdom Power
) Your feelings of security are based on the way your spouse treats you
) You are highly vulnerable to the moods and feeling of your spouse.
) There is deep disappointment resulting in withdrawal or conflict when your spouse disagrees with you or does not meet your expectation.
) Anything that may impinge on the relationship is perceived as a threat )Your direction comes from your own needs and wants and from those of your spouse.
)Your decision-making criterion is limited to what you think is best for your marriage or your mate, or to the preferences and opinions of your spouse.
) Your life perspective surrounds things which may positively negatively influence your spouse or your relationship
) Your power to act is limited by weaknesses in your spouse and in yourself


In fact, no matter the center is, there’ll always be the negative influences come─except for the Principle centered. As a Muslim, we must choose Islamic Principle as our center. Letting ourselves fall into love deceptions, passionate romance, and temporary status of dating will make us forget about our life purpose─which is being a Khalifah1 on earth.

IV. Adopting Islamic Ethics and Moralities to Solve the Problems
Qur’an is written in Arabic, and in this language the term of ‘dating’ doesn’t exist. Thus, to define the meaning of the word in Islamic perspective is complicated. However, by relating the term to its applications can lead us to understand how Islamic perspective toward it.
Dating consist of some activities that are prohibited by Shari’ah2, such as Ikhtilat3, Khalwat4, and many forms of Zina5.
(http://asysyariah.com/syariah.php?menu=detil&id_online=425, 2008)
Our Prophet Muhammad Peace Be Upon Him (pbuh) restricted a man and woman who has no Muhrim6 relationship to be together alone, because the third person would be the Satan.
1Khalifah or caliph originally meant “successor” (i.e. of the Prophet). In Islam the caliph is the head of the community or believers. His functions are secular as well as religious. The first four caliph are called “al khulafa al-rashidiin” /the wise caliphs (http://majalla.org/souaiaia/ethics/dictionary/index.htm#Z, 2008). In the Qur’an, the title of Khalifah is given to human related to leadership. We are the leader of others as well as of ourselves.
2Shari’ah: commonly reffered to as “Islamic Law”, it is a code of behavior, a composite science of law and morality that is at the same time more and less than a simple legal system in the Western sense of the term. More, because it regulates private acts such as ritual practices of the faith or social behavior. Less, because it ignores entire parts of human activity that would be taken into consideration in other juridical codes. Thus, Shari’ah is a combination of law, morality, religion, and etiquette (http://majalla.org/souaiaia/ethics/dictionary/index.htm#Z, 2008).
3Ikhtilat: admixture, combination (http://majalla.org/souaiaia/ethics/dictionary/index.htm#Z, 2008). Related to sex aggregation between unmarried or unrelated men and women.
4Khalwat: the togetherness of two people outside their muhrim─being alone in the same room.
5Zina: adultery or the sexual intercourse outside marriage. It also refers to as doing the activities that is prohibited in satisfying illegal sexual desire (outside marriage), done by our body parts (eyes, ears, tongue, hands, feet, and heart).
6Muhrim: degree of consanguity between a man and woman that renders marriage impossible but gives them the right of association (Hassan Shadily, 2003)

While in Holy Qur’an (Al Isra’:32) Allah (swt) forbids us to even get closer to zina because it’s a profane behavior and the worst of way. So, Islam has already set the preventive actions to solve the problems caused by dating issue. Adultery or zina is not only prohibited to do, but even to get closer to it is strongly restricted. Islam discourages social interactions between unmarried or unrelated men and women when they are alone, but not all interactions between men and women. This is shown in the example of Khadijah, a rich, twice widowed businesswoman who employed Muhammad (pbuh) and met with him to conduct trade before they were married, and in the example set by his other wives, who taught and counseled the men and women of Medina. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women _in_Islam, 2008 ).
Whereas our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has said “The greatest Holy War is that for the conquest of self” [Hadith]. In many verses of the Holy Qur’an, Allah (swt) commands us to think and he strongly condemns those who don’t use their reason and just follow their passion. (See Qur’an: 45:18&23, 23:43&44).
Islamic ethics (akhlaq, sing. khuluq) defined as “good character” and relating to individual mannerism, nature (Qur’an, 68:4). In general, ethics (Greek: Ethike/Ethicos) relating to good and bad. Ethics consists of principled reflection on questions such as, How should I live? and What should I do? It takes as its control tasks criticizing, justifying, and deciding on various answers to these questions. Aristotle characterizes ethics as the search for the good life for human.
There are striking similarities in moral codes across the globe. Prohibitions against killing, stealing, committing adultery, and lying are common to Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, and other religions. In morality, it is on often true that one person or culture sees things one way and another sees them quite differently.
Hence, we should choose our own standard which is undoubtedly best for our lives. Although Shari’ah is not implemented in our country as the official Basic Law, but as a Muslim we should follow it faithfully. After all, Islam is the Empire of Faith. It’s the religion that came to guide the highest standard of morality to human race. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was asked: “Which Muslim has the perfect faith?”. He answered, “One who has the best moral character”. [Tabarani].
We should reach our God Spot and revolve around the one and only center of our life─Allah (swt)─in the right orbit. Devoting ourselves to Allah (swt) means that we must consider His will before we do anything, in every part of our life. By doing so, we will enjoy sound body, quiet life, and happy household. Islam literally means ‘submission’ (Qur’an, 4:125, 3:83, 26:89, 6:54, 47:35) and it comes as the guidance to achieve the happiness in the world and in the hereafter as well as the salvation from the hell (Qur’an, 2:201).
Thus, youth should aware about the importance of Islamic ethics and morality that had been set by your own Creator, Allah (swt). In finding the future husband or wife we shouldn’t be caught by improper mind-set of dating, in addition we must believe that Allah (swt) has already decided who’s our match right before we were born. Allah also commands us to marry a person with Islamic good characters (akhlaq), and execute it as soon as we have the abilities to do so─physically, financially, and psychologically─in order to complete our lives.

V. Conclusion
Dating issue can lead to a lot of potential harms such as rising of emotional attachment, stimulating sexual behavior outside marriage, and losing of life purpose. In Indonesia this issue is considered as a common thing and that is encouraged by some factors such as permissive culture, mind-sets, and globalization. In facing these problems the youth had to protect themselves by adopting Islamic ethics and morality. It is our choice whether to follow our reason or simply give up to the temptations.


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http://asysyariah.com/syariah.php?menu=detil&id_online=425, 2008
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